I just took a break from my boyfriend of 5 years today. Whoa. I’ve been unhappy and crying for so long, it feels good to finally take a step back and see what was going on. It’s not that I don’t love him its the fact that I just keep getting distracted by other people in my life-people that aren’t good people, things that aren’t good things. I really need to focus on being happy-something I really have never done. Be truly happy and at peace with myself. I just want to be calm and relaxed and okay with the decisions I make. I want to love him with all of my being, but not need him. I want to have him in my life, make him a priority because I want to, not because I feel obligated. I want to love and not lie, be real and great. I want to love my work in school, I want to figure out my summer life, I want to make the other people in my life happy as well. I want to be motivated and strong. I want to commit to something, make a schedule and stick to it. I know these are things I can do, I just have to do them.
I need to:
work out more-yoga, meditation, dance classes, everything I can to feel and look healthy
see someone-whether it be a psychologist, psychiatrist, therapist, I need to figure this shit out and I need to ask for help
eat well-less shit food, more healthy food. End of story
sleep more-I need to rest my brain at night. I can go crazy with that.
not be dependent on others-I need to make my own life, be kind to people, love all.
I need to forgive myself. I am not who I was yesterday, I am who I am today. That is it. No one else.
This is going to be my first constant. write everyday Mel, you need this. Allow yourself this.
All Will Be Well.